Thursday, March 8, 2012

Canadians Please Read This

You DID NOT WIN the War of 1812.

And I am really tired of seeing these magazine covers when I go to the grocery store.

There was another one in October of 2011. The title of that piece was "Damn Yankees Are Trying to Steal Our Victory."

And this is why I don't really care that my older son in getting a "B" in his History Class. I would actually prefer he NOT learn what his Canadian teachers are trying to teach him.

Here is the really funny thing. We DID NOT fight you in the War of 1812. I looked back over some history books because I am not an historian and I don't really remember the War of 1812. Not a really big deal for us. We tend to focus on the Revolution and then jump straight to the Civil War.

Here it is:

(1) We (the Americans) were mad at the British for two reasons. British soldiers were helping the Indians ATTACK our (American) settlements. That is just rude. AND the British were conscripting American soldiers to serve on British ships in the war against Napoleon. That is just wrong.

(2) On June 18, 1812 America declared war on BRITAIN. Not on Canada. There was this big land mass on our Northern border called Canada, but there were no Canadians. Only British subjects. And some "Aboriginal Peoples".

(3) Despite being involved in a war with the French, the British sailed into the Great Lakes and attacked Ohio. I think we should have given them Ohio and been done with it, but we didn't. The Indian Chief Tecumsah helped the British, but we killed him and defeated the British. Round One goes to the Americans.

(4) British ships landed in Washington D.C. and burned The White House, The Capitol and (egads) The Library of Congress. Aside, does this make them book burners? Round Two goes to the British.

(5) Everyone was tired of fighting. The British were busy with the French. The TWO nations, the US and Britain, signed a treaty agreeing to behave as if the war had never happened. Stalemate.

Two things ... you can't lose a war to someone you aren't fighting. And, I would argue that we did not LOSE the War of 1812 in the first place. From a Canadian magazine and I quote, "Military historians generally describe the War of 1812 as a stalemate."

Hey, so just stop it with the magazine covers. And the articles with statements like this, "We won the War of 1812--because we fought to be ourselves." Canada became The Dominion of Canada in 1867. I would suggest that next time you "fight to be yourselves" you might not want to wait 50+ years to actually become a nation.

Get over it.

P.S. Want something we claim. I will gladly give up all rights to Basketball.

P.P.S While we are at it. Why are so many Canadians named Gord?

P.P.P.S There is also no Mexican food here. Y0u may call it that, but it isn't.

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